Marriages are made in heaven

Girls as always, love putting guys into situations.. (Hmm.. don’t want anyone of you to come after me for being so chauvinistic.. but the fact still remains.. hehe).. The other day.. Don’t know what happened to an old friend of mine.. Out of nothing she asked me, “Ravi, I have got a very interesting topic we can talk about”.. Trying to show that I was very curious, I replied "Hmm.. go ahead”.. Little did I know that she was going to shoot at me from point-blank range before she said, “Ravi, you are one of my best friends.. And you also happen to know me since a very long time.. You know everything that I like or dislike.. So I want you to tell me what kind of a guy should I be looking for to get hitched to”..

And this is what I call a situation.. You are sitting in front of someone who apparently claims to have immense trust in you.. You have been given the honour to speak about one of the most important things about to happen in her life.. Also this sounded to me like a test of my friendship.. Test because I thought she was more interested in knowing how much I knew her rather than what would I have suggested her.. A friendship of maybe 5-6 years to be evaluated in one shot.. Indeed a tough call..

The problem with me was, till then I had myself never given such things a thought ( I think I am too young for all this yaar).. But girls are girls.. They ask you something and then they don’t let you rest in peace without you giving an answer.. So I knew, I had to be game.. I had to think about what made an ideal and suitable hubby.. Trying to bring out the diplomatic best out of myself, I told her that she should be looking for a guy who should otherwise be serious but should be capable of making her laugh, should be soft spoken, should be down to earth, always approachable, very smart, caring, honest, loyal, should be understanding, should respect her as a person and last but not the least should love her.. She was listening carefully but turned the table upside down when she told “Ravi, don’t you think you are talking about some alien?? Aisa bhi koi banda milega kya re?? ” I was again dumbfounded..

Now coming to the less sensitive species called boys.. Is there any one of us, who, if given a chance, would not want to go around with Katrina Kaif, the eternal diva?? Almost everyone of us is enamoured by the glow of her skin, the aura around her.. Even then, honestly speaking, I don’t think anyone of us would want to marry the BOOMing beauty (I really dont want to offend the sentiments of people who can even give their lives for her).. Then what is it that marks the difference?? Any guy would want for himself a girl who is pretty conservative, a little shy, very cute, chubby, trustworthy, someone who will make him feel proud, who is beautiful but at the same time is not at all proud of her beauty.. Some might want her to be good at singing or dancing or cooking or all of these.. For some, she should be independent, individualistic and yet with zero attitude.. Can you see how tailor-made our requirements have become??

Well.. I very well know that I am very raw to have taken up this topic.. I have generalised a lot of things here.. Must have already caused many of you to have raised your eyebrows (I would appreciate if you dont judge me by all this).. But with whatever sense of judgement I have, I think the only possible answer to all our desires is going to be in a ‘compromise’.. Each one of us knows that one can never get ‘that’ custom-made partner for ourself.. Marriages are supposed to mark the bonding between not only two souls but two families.. Though we would prefer choosing our life mates ourselves, most of the marriages in our contemporary society are still arranged by our parents.. Both love and arranged marriages have their pros and cons (let us keep away from that discussion at least for today)..

Ever heard somebody saying “Marriages are made in heaven.. ‘He’ has already planned everything for everyone”?? Sounds very lame, isn’t it?? I have always wondered if this belief of our old-fashioned and orthodox elders is indeed true.. If you happen to bring home your muse all by yourself, you would want your parents to accept him or her.. Similarly, if your parents happen to choose one for you, in that case you will have to be the one to accept things.. But either of you or your parents would need some basis to welcome this marriage, right?? I dont know if everything in life goes about according to His plans.. But one thing is for sure.. This belief of predestined marriage alliances certainly has the power to be that 'basis' for both you and your parents in the respective scenarios..

If you are seeing somebody right now or have got married to someone and are worried if you are with the right person.. Or if you are still single and ready to mingle.. You need not worry a single bit.. coz you have never really had a choice..

After all, marriages are made in heaven...

Calling 911 !!!

I am certainly not the person you should be looking for in case you are in trouble.. By 'trouble', I mean something different though.. There must have been occasions when people close to you came up to you and confided in you, their guilt for having done something or the misery caused because of being fooled or ill-treated or cheated by somebody.. At times, they must have even cried in front of you bitching about somebody or the other.. Hmm.. I am talking about instances when your near and dear ones are hurt and are feeling very low and have come to seek solace in you..

If someone comes to me for this, I happen to find myself under a lot of pressure.. A few thoughts would dawn upon me.. First of all, because this beloved person of yours has chosen you to help him out in this weak moment of his, one thing that you need to understand is that it is more of a moral responsibility shouldered upon you than it is an honour.. Now, because this person is not in the best of his senses at that particular moment, he is simply not in the capacity to think.. So it is highly assumed that you will be thoughtful and will do something about it.. If you are a sensible man, you should know that all you have to do is make that person feel good by any means.. Well.. If put in such a situation, I can think of only three alternatives for myself..

1. Bring him out of the saga.
The simplest way of making him feel good would be to sidetrack from the topic.. He will thus be forced to think of something other than what has caused him all the trouble.. Sounds very simple, but if things have been very bad, this one simply wont help.. However you try, you wont be able to get him off the train..

2. Sympathise and make him feel good.
This one sounds pretty interesting naa?? If your friend is feeling low because of something bad done to him by someone and he happens to be full of resentment over that somebody.. You can do him a kind gesture by asking to vent out all his distress over that person right in front of you.. To make things even better, you may yourself start grousing before him about this villain, even explain him how bad the ‘rascal’ has always been to him (using swear words like these can be of great help if you are going to resort to this option).. Whole of this will give your friend a sense of righteousness for feeling so acrimonious.. The entire blame of the spoilt game will be transferred to that person and you will have thus helped your friend feel a lot lighter.. and will have thus helped yourself too by taking your friendship to the next level.. Kudos to you then !!

3. Be a man and give some insight.
This one is the toughest.. But it makes the most sense at least to me.. Here, you are supposed to listen to your friend, analyse the story, try to find out what went wrong and then tell him what can he do about it.. In short, you have to give your friend a very just and unbiased advice irrespective of what the repercussions of this moral act of yours will be.. Well.. To be very frank, as a result, whole of your friendship can be at stake.. So do take this one with a pinch of salt !!

Why I had to confess that I am no good with such situations is because I have already tried all the three of these options with different people in different cases.. If your friend is happy to have been diagnosed with malaria when it could have even been swine flu, it still does not make sense to tell him that malaria is one of the major causes of world-wide deaths, only because you still want him to take care.. Or in case your friend is into a bad relationship, and has approached you to take a call, it will be such a shame to pass on the entire blame to his / her partner and then ask him to get over it, only to make him feel good.. Though I am smart enough to have not screwed up things big time like this, I still am not satisfied with my responses to such situations..

If somebody in trouble would come to me, its me who would start looking to call the SOS..

I have a justification for that..

One day when I was whiling away my Sunday in ‘Infinity Mall’ (which happens to be one of my favourite places and you know why), I met this girl for the first time.. She began talking..

“ Hey Ravi.. How are you doing?? How is your new job coming up?? “
“ Hey.. Hi Sakshi !! Finally I get to see you.. I am doing fine.. The job is.......” and before I could finish...
“ Ravi.. How could you do this??”
“ Do what??”
“ It seems, you told Roshan to keep away from me.. How mean !! How rude of you to have spoken like this!! “

Oops.. I went numb for an instant.. After all I was slapped right in the face..

Need a recap?? You do folks.. Now, this girl Sakshi happens to be a very close friend of Roshan who is a very dear friend of mine.. So sakshi and I had already spoken once before this day.. But that was just a formal encounter over the phone.. But thanks to Roshan, both of us knew quite a lot about each other..

Coming back to Infinity on that day.. Your very first meeting with a girl you have known for so long (any guy would know what it means to him), and something of this sort happens.. Zindagi ke saare paap ka hisaab aaj hi ke din hona tha kya yaar?? It felt so embarrassing to hear all this from her.. So I could imagine what she must have gone through when Roshan must have have told it to her.. Such a fool of him to have thrown up before her.. Felt like killing him then and there itself (Thank God.. He wasn’t there that day).. But the thing is.. I just love him.. He has always been such a great friend otherwise.. Moreover, I think I know what must have made him to open up like this.. But him having done this, just gave me an insight that its Sakshi whom he rates higher than me.. (Sorry yaar Roshan.. I just cant help being too judgemental after such incidents.. I think I need to work on that.. one more to the resolution list.. :) )

Now.. the kind of a guy I am.. I need to take responsibility for anything I have done.. Here also.. I had to stand by my words.. But this was indeed a difficult situation.. I was hanging from a cliff with virtually no support.. Gathering all the energy inside me, I replied..

“ So you know it all?”
“Yes.. Roshan ne sab bata diya”
“Hmm.. You obviously seem to be hurt.. I think I should own it.. Yup.. I told him that.. But I had told him not to stay away from you but to draw a line.. Maybe both of you got it wrong.. But I think.. I can explain.. I HAVE A JUSTIFICATION FOR THAT ”

All thanks to her to have shown the patience to sit down and listen to me for the next 10 mins.. And her doing this even after knowing what I had done to her, means a lot to me.. Maybe, this was important for her too.. I dint screw up this time.. At the end, I did appreciate her for her patience and excellent understanding.. I knew I had to give my best shot.. Those 10 mins had become more crucial than any such 10 mins of some interview I might have appeared for or some exam I must have taken.. This was so because all my credibility and integrity for myself depended upon how I defended myself this time.. And these things for me, certainly come before a career or the result of some exam..

I don’t remember the exact words I spoke then.. I don’t think I should go into the details either.. But in that little time, I explained to her how it was in her good interests only that I had asked Roshan to refurnish things between both of them.. That was all.. And the kind of persuasive genius I am (I just love praising myself like this once in a while).. It worked well.. She seemed to have comforted.. A smile appeared on her face.. It seemed as if I had made enough sense.. Very nicely she told me that she felt very light.. Actually it was me who had come back to life by then.. I had wanted a piece of land to rest upon after falling from the cliff.. Instead, she had herself pulled me up safely.. So stupid of her indeed..

This was just one of the many incidences where I have given wonderful justifications and have saved my arse each time.. Believe me.. Its an art which one needs to acquire.. Takes a lot of effort, lot of planning, great presence of mind and lot of guts (guts to face the heat if things go wrong).. The skill lies in being polite and showing that you are very patient.. Never leave the battleground may what come.. Be confident.. You should appear as if you are empathising with the situation you have caused.. And finally cover it with a thin slice of emotions.. Here you have with you.. The perfect recipe for a perfect ‘run away’ for anything and everything you do.. Well.. No one can stop you from going places once you have it in you.. Just imagine, what it would be like if you could justify yourself in front your parents for having failed in some exam or justify yourself to your boss why he should be appraising you this time or justify yourself to the girl or boy of your dreams why you are the best choice for him or her.. You will be a man of reason.. Man with a purpose for everything and anything you do.. Sounds great, doesn’t it?

Hold on people.. I didn’t write this to give you tips on how to save yourself from getting kicked.. And I am no fool to have given away my secret armour to you all.. Its certainly not as rosy as it looks to be.. My friends know the number of times I have ditched them on their movie plans or trips or get-togethers.. Everytime that I had tried to justify myself, each one of them complained that my justifications sounded like weak excuses.. I know I have very smart friends.. Needless to say.. I have been thrashed each time I have not shown up (even then, I am still the same.. Sorry guys.. Have got too used to your swear words.. :) )..

I am afraid.. The way things have gone by till date, I must have already been typecasted for my justifications by most of you.. Some might call them excuses.. Some might be even harsher by calling them cheap ‘cover-up’ or ‘made-up’ stories.. But for someone who does not even know how to say a ‘sorry’ (people often complaint asking if I am doing them a favour by saying sorry) or wish somebody a ‘Happy Birthday’ (no one has complained ever, but I myself think I need to be more energetic), how the hell could a justification be so very well drafted out?? Worth giving a thought, right?? Why not think of the ‘justification thing’ like a rational thought that had dawned upon you even before you enacted that wretched deed??

Well.. If this does not justify why I use the art of justification so often, then in that case..

"Sakshi, I am stupid "..