India Counting.. India Calling..

We are amidst the process of 'Census 2011' of India.. The authorities claim that this one is going to be the biggest counting exercise ever the world over.. The world’s fastest growing populace as our’s has been for quite sometime now, had already crossed the 1Bn mark long back.. all that we will be able to find out now is how close has this figure reached the next integer on the number scale.. lets hope that it doesn’t skip any in the sequence :)

In India, the census activity was started in the year 1881.. for the next 5 census since then, the statisticians fed the analysts with the detailed break up of build up of the Indian diaspora, categorizing us into classes and subclasses, castes and sub-castes, regions and religions.. Only after 1931, the Centre decided not to include any of these details (except for figures of population of SC and ST) in the census.. which means that, all the regional political parties and their mean and greedy leaders have unearthed their social, communal and political interests based only on these grounds dated back to 1931.

Not long ago, the youth of this secularist democracy had stood up against the then HRD Union Minister Mr. Arjun Singh only to remind him of our constitutional Right to Equality (A latest addition to this is the Right to Education which has come to effect from April 1).. even after staging huge protests nothing could brainwash the people overtaken by their political interests.. everyone of us knew what could have been the possible repercussions of increasing the reservations based on caste.. well.. we are now facing the heat but we are still smiling.. we are the fools who are happy to have been smart enough to have had the foresight of our doom..

Also, another ambitious activity going on in our country is the Project Adhaar.. As we all know the Nandan Nilekani led team has christened their UID project by this name.. I wonder.. what a huge database of our nation both - this census and Adhaar - would end up creating.. needless to say, this will set the benchmark for all the new policies to be made or for any amendments in the existing policies - all aiming towards the betterment of India (lets hope so)..

Again, the unmindful and always avaricious political honchos, in their quest to make it bigger than ever, dont want to miss out on this opportunity and so are asking the Committee at the Centre to carry out a caste based census.. this will give them a ready data to chew out and use and misuse it for their own benefits, create divide amongst the vulnerable people like us and thus put up an intense but awful show of their possessiveness..

So in the age when we citizens are being empowered through initiatives like the Right to Information and when the youth like you and me have all awakened.. when we are ready to rise again believing that we are all the same.. when we have realized that the problems in India are not something we should run away from by going abroad.. when we all are tending to believe that we can all be ‘one’.. when we can hope that someday we will stop going back to the annals of the year 1931.. the centre has surely given us a ray of hope by not giving in to the ‘Divide and Rule’ instincts of the wicked leaders asking for caste based census..

Let us all pray that God gives the Centre, enough strength and courage to remain firm on their stand.. Hmm.. keeping my fingers crossed..

It seems all is not bad at the ‘Centre’..

Do good and good will come to you

Ever since I was a child I am being told everyday that if I do good, good will come to me.. there are different ways of telling this though.. ’karm karo fal ki iccha mat karo’.. ‘neki kar neki paa’.. and many more.. all from the mouths of the pundits in the temples, our beloved grannies, God fearing moms and even some friends who believe in spirituality.. (spirituality seems to be quite in fashion these days.. maybe its time to take your call :) ).. at times I feel that all our religious books are nothing but fables with this ‘do good, have good’ as their moral of the story..

Yesterday I came across a wonderful sms.. it said.. “if you are standing in front of a lion, dont wait there like a dumb arse thinking that he wont pounce upon you just because you have been a vegetarian all your life”.. hehe.. so just because you have not taken anybody elses life till date or you have not harmed anybody does not assure you of being safe always for that matter..

Well.. after i put on my thinking cap yesterday night, I could not but help think about the man who had to confront the lion.. In fact, I was wondering if my vegetarianism was ever going to do me any good.. anyone who believes in 'those' fables and is smart and cult would argue saying that if that man had been really that clean and unadulterated, God would never put him in front of a lion.. hmm.. makes sense naa??

But what I tend to believe is.. its not always that good happens to the good.. its just that, the ‘good’ would consider anything that happens to them as good.. maybe this is what makes them the good... On similar lines.. you doing good in want of good to come back to you leaves you to be no good…

Hmm.. more commendable belief would be.. everthing that happens happens for the good (Remember the Akbar Birbal story where Birbal proved how getting is finger hurt also did him good).. even better one would be ‘ jab jab jo jo hona hai, ho jata hai ‘.. and then it is up to us to find out if it happened for the good or to the good or whatever.. food for thought ??

I take a leave though.. dinner being served for me.. :)

Cheerz to life !!!

Wanna make a style statement?? A recent survey shows that its very simple these days.. You may use anything of your wit, your bank balance, your hi-tech gizmos, your dressing sense, your stand on politics, your humbleness or even your conservatism.. I am often floored by the breed of people who have never given drinking a try but still make it a point to show their stubbornness by claiming that they just don’t want to go for it..

Are you the one who doesn’t drink just because you think you are not supposed to be drinking and not because you don’t want to drink? Are you the one who has never experienced the adrenaline rush so far? Then you better take this with a pinch of salt..

Well.. the only one ground that you may cite for drinking being bad can be 'health and morality concerns'.. Well.. there are a lot of other unhealthy and immoral habits that we people already have succumbed to.. You are no exception buddy !! Watching senseless movies and stupid programs on TV, badmouthing people behind there back, enjoying pervert adult messages, ogling at people of the opposite sex, behaving in a way that would coax people to glue their eyes at you (not always for the good reasons), use of swear words as if it were our mother tongue and many more such unhealthy (some for the mind and some for the body) and immoral things have been our way of life all this while.. So is drinking really that big a deal ??

And now.. My arguments that say drinking is ‘not bad’ (request you to notice that I am not calling it good)..

1. You need to be a man to go for it.. And so if you happen to go for it, stands as a proof that you are a man with the balls..

2. Drinking can make your otherwise forgettable but beautiful and cherishable moments very memorable.. This is so because the possible aftereffects of the party which could be anything from the huge huge bill or you being caught for drunk driving or you having a bad time vomiting or even worst... you having to take the responsibility of carrying your friend back home while you yourself are drunk (incase the friend is so drunk that you have to be the man again).. if you can go around drinking with the other sex., then I need not comment on the probable outcomes.. :) Hmm.. I bet, you will never forget anything of this all through your life..

3. Jokes apart.. the most powerful argument in favour of drinking not being bad in my sense will be.. the bestest bonding that can ever take place between 4 friends can be only over a table of drinks.. Because only when you are drunk will you have lost control over your diplomatic, mean and wicked senses.. making you truly true to your heart and speaking out words that you really mean.. (i have myself witnessed this happen to people.. so I can bet on this..) n I guess everyone will agree with me on the fact that getting to know who is indeed your true friend and who is not can be the best thing that can ever happen to you..

And so if you are someone who is looking for a truly genuine friend from amongst the lot, all you have to do is go for it.. atleast its worth giving a try.. what say??

Hmm.. its something like this.. theres this girl you have always liked and even she loves you.. Both of you have confessed this before everyone and are happily going around.. But theres this ‘line‘ between both of you till you ‘make love’ (more contemporary readers should read it as ‘get married’).. Its just the same here.. You are friends with so many people around you.. but you shall be able to cross the ‘line’ (of friendship) with any one of them only over a bottle of rum or whiskey..

Memories when you threw up like you puked blood or the day when you had to be literally tied up with a rope onto a bike (3 idiots ishtyle) to be taken to your home or had to spend the entire night in some pit on the roadside or the party when the drunk Vice President of your company put his arms around you and complimented you on your choice of the girl of your life (yeah yeah.. he knew it all but kept mum till date).. Worth treasuring naa ??

So if you are the one who wants to make a statement through your abstinence or orthodoxy (obviously, you must not be having any of the other worthy things in your kitty).. if you don’t mind being on this side of the ‘line’.. if you don’t mind being a virgin all your life.. that means, if you have no quest for ecstasy.. then I don’t think you ever need to bow down before the ‘Drinking Gods’..

STATUTORY WARNING: Drinking can be injurious to health. :)

Marriages are made in heaven

Girls as always, love putting guys into situations.. (Hmm.. don’t want anyone of you to come after me for being so chauvinistic.. but the fact still remains.. hehe).. The other day.. Don’t know what happened to an old friend of mine.. Out of nothing she asked me, “Ravi, I have got a very interesting topic we can talk about”.. Trying to show that I was very curious, I replied "Hmm.. go ahead”.. Little did I know that she was going to shoot at me from point-blank range before she said, “Ravi, you are one of my best friends.. And you also happen to know me since a very long time.. You know everything that I like or dislike.. So I want you to tell me what kind of a guy should I be looking for to get hitched to”..

And this is what I call a situation.. You are sitting in front of someone who apparently claims to have immense trust in you.. You have been given the honour to speak about one of the most important things about to happen in her life.. Also this sounded to me like a test of my friendship.. Test because I thought she was more interested in knowing how much I knew her rather than what would I have suggested her.. A friendship of maybe 5-6 years to be evaluated in one shot.. Indeed a tough call..

The problem with me was, till then I had myself never given such things a thought ( I think I am too young for all this yaar).. But girls are girls.. They ask you something and then they don’t let you rest in peace without you giving an answer.. So I knew, I had to be game.. I had to think about what made an ideal and suitable hubby.. Trying to bring out the diplomatic best out of myself, I told her that she should be looking for a guy who should otherwise be serious but should be capable of making her laugh, should be soft spoken, should be down to earth, always approachable, very smart, caring, honest, loyal, should be understanding, should respect her as a person and last but not the least should love her.. She was listening carefully but turned the table upside down when she told “Ravi, don’t you think you are talking about some alien?? Aisa bhi koi banda milega kya re?? ” I was again dumbfounded..

Now coming to the less sensitive species called boys.. Is there any one of us, who, if given a chance, would not want to go around with Katrina Kaif, the eternal diva?? Almost everyone of us is enamoured by the glow of her skin, the aura around her.. Even then, honestly speaking, I don’t think anyone of us would want to marry the BOOMing beauty (I really dont want to offend the sentiments of people who can even give their lives for her).. Then what is it that marks the difference?? Any guy would want for himself a girl who is pretty conservative, a little shy, very cute, chubby, trustworthy, someone who will make him feel proud, who is beautiful but at the same time is not at all proud of her beauty.. Some might want her to be good at singing or dancing or cooking or all of these.. For some, she should be independent, individualistic and yet with zero attitude.. Can you see how tailor-made our requirements have become??

Well.. I very well know that I am very raw to have taken up this topic.. I have generalised a lot of things here.. Must have already caused many of you to have raised your eyebrows (I would appreciate if you dont judge me by all this).. But with whatever sense of judgement I have, I think the only possible answer to all our desires is going to be in a ‘compromise’.. Each one of us knows that one can never get ‘that’ custom-made partner for ourself.. Marriages are supposed to mark the bonding between not only two souls but two families.. Though we would prefer choosing our life mates ourselves, most of the marriages in our contemporary society are still arranged by our parents.. Both love and arranged marriages have their pros and cons (let us keep away from that discussion at least for today)..

Ever heard somebody saying “Marriages are made in heaven.. ‘He’ has already planned everything for everyone”?? Sounds very lame, isn’t it?? I have always wondered if this belief of our old-fashioned and orthodox elders is indeed true.. If you happen to bring home your muse all by yourself, you would want your parents to accept him or her.. Similarly, if your parents happen to choose one for you, in that case you will have to be the one to accept things.. But either of you or your parents would need some basis to welcome this marriage, right?? I dont know if everything in life goes about according to His plans.. But one thing is for sure.. This belief of predestined marriage alliances certainly has the power to be that 'basis' for both you and your parents in the respective scenarios..

If you are seeing somebody right now or have got married to someone and are worried if you are with the right person.. Or if you are still single and ready to mingle.. You need not worry a single bit.. coz you have never really had a choice..

After all, marriages are made in heaven...

Calling 911 !!!

I am certainly not the person you should be looking for in case you are in trouble.. By 'trouble', I mean something different though.. There must have been occasions when people close to you came up to you and confided in you, their guilt for having done something or the misery caused because of being fooled or ill-treated or cheated by somebody.. At times, they must have even cried in front of you bitching about somebody or the other.. Hmm.. I am talking about instances when your near and dear ones are hurt and are feeling very low and have come to seek solace in you..

If someone comes to me for this, I happen to find myself under a lot of pressure.. A few thoughts would dawn upon me.. First of all, because this beloved person of yours has chosen you to help him out in this weak moment of his, one thing that you need to understand is that it is more of a moral responsibility shouldered upon you than it is an honour.. Now, because this person is not in the best of his senses at that particular moment, he is simply not in the capacity to think.. So it is highly assumed that you will be thoughtful and will do something about it.. If you are a sensible man, you should know that all you have to do is make that person feel good by any means.. Well.. If put in such a situation, I can think of only three alternatives for myself..

1. Bring him out of the saga.
The simplest way of making him feel good would be to sidetrack from the topic.. He will thus be forced to think of something other than what has caused him all the trouble.. Sounds very simple, but if things have been very bad, this one simply wont help.. However you try, you wont be able to get him off the train..

2. Sympathise and make him feel good.
This one sounds pretty interesting naa?? If your friend is feeling low because of something bad done to him by someone and he happens to be full of resentment over that somebody.. You can do him a kind gesture by asking to vent out all his distress over that person right in front of you.. To make things even better, you may yourself start grousing before him about this villain, even explain him how bad the ‘rascal’ has always been to him (using swear words like these can be of great help if you are going to resort to this option).. Whole of this will give your friend a sense of righteousness for feeling so acrimonious.. The entire blame of the spoilt game will be transferred to that person and you will have thus helped your friend feel a lot lighter.. and will have thus helped yourself too by taking your friendship to the next level.. Kudos to you then !!

3. Be a man and give some insight.
This one is the toughest.. But it makes the most sense at least to me.. Here, you are supposed to listen to your friend, analyse the story, try to find out what went wrong and then tell him what can he do about it.. In short, you have to give your friend a very just and unbiased advice irrespective of what the repercussions of this moral act of yours will be.. Well.. To be very frank, as a result, whole of your friendship can be at stake.. So do take this one with a pinch of salt !!

Why I had to confess that I am no good with such situations is because I have already tried all the three of these options with different people in different cases.. If your friend is happy to have been diagnosed with malaria when it could have even been swine flu, it still does not make sense to tell him that malaria is one of the major causes of world-wide deaths, only because you still want him to take care.. Or in case your friend is into a bad relationship, and has approached you to take a call, it will be such a shame to pass on the entire blame to his / her partner and then ask him to get over it, only to make him feel good.. Though I am smart enough to have not screwed up things big time like this, I still am not satisfied with my responses to such situations..

If somebody in trouble would come to me, its me who would start looking to call the SOS..

I have a justification for that..

One day when I was whiling away my Sunday in ‘Infinity Mall’ (which happens to be one of my favourite places and you know why), I met this girl for the first time.. She began talking..

“ Hey Ravi.. How are you doing?? How is your new job coming up?? “
“ Hey.. Hi Sakshi !! Finally I get to see you.. I am doing fine.. The job is.......” and before I could finish...
“ Ravi.. How could you do this??”
“ Do what??”
“ It seems, you told Roshan to keep away from me.. How mean !! How rude of you to have spoken like this!! “

Oops.. I went numb for an instant.. After all I was slapped right in the face..

Need a recap?? You do folks.. Now, this girl Sakshi happens to be a very close friend of Roshan who is a very dear friend of mine.. So sakshi and I had already spoken once before this day.. But that was just a formal encounter over the phone.. But thanks to Roshan, both of us knew quite a lot about each other..

Coming back to Infinity on that day.. Your very first meeting with a girl you have known for so long (any guy would know what it means to him), and something of this sort happens.. Zindagi ke saare paap ka hisaab aaj hi ke din hona tha kya yaar?? It felt so embarrassing to hear all this from her.. So I could imagine what she must have gone through when Roshan must have have told it to her.. Such a fool of him to have thrown up before her.. Felt like killing him then and there itself (Thank God.. He wasn’t there that day).. But the thing is.. I just love him.. He has always been such a great friend otherwise.. Moreover, I think I know what must have made him to open up like this.. But him having done this, just gave me an insight that its Sakshi whom he rates higher than me.. (Sorry yaar Roshan.. I just cant help being too judgemental after such incidents.. I think I need to work on that.. one more to the resolution list.. :) )

Now.. the kind of a guy I am.. I need to take responsibility for anything I have done.. Here also.. I had to stand by my words.. But this was indeed a difficult situation.. I was hanging from a cliff with virtually no support.. Gathering all the energy inside me, I replied..

“ So you know it all?”
“Yes.. Roshan ne sab bata diya”
“Hmm.. You obviously seem to be hurt.. I think I should own it.. Yup.. I told him that.. But I had told him not to stay away from you but to draw a line.. Maybe both of you got it wrong.. But I think.. I can explain.. I HAVE A JUSTIFICATION FOR THAT ”

All thanks to her to have shown the patience to sit down and listen to me for the next 10 mins.. And her doing this even after knowing what I had done to her, means a lot to me.. Maybe, this was important for her too.. I dint screw up this time.. At the end, I did appreciate her for her patience and excellent understanding.. I knew I had to give my best shot.. Those 10 mins had become more crucial than any such 10 mins of some interview I might have appeared for or some exam I must have taken.. This was so because all my credibility and integrity for myself depended upon how I defended myself this time.. And these things for me, certainly come before a career or the result of some exam..

I don’t remember the exact words I spoke then.. I don’t think I should go into the details either.. But in that little time, I explained to her how it was in her good interests only that I had asked Roshan to refurnish things between both of them.. That was all.. And the kind of persuasive genius I am (I just love praising myself like this once in a while).. It worked well.. She seemed to have comforted.. A smile appeared on her face.. It seemed as if I had made enough sense.. Very nicely she told me that she felt very light.. Actually it was me who had come back to life by then.. I had wanted a piece of land to rest upon after falling from the cliff.. Instead, she had herself pulled me up safely.. So stupid of her indeed..

This was just one of the many incidences where I have given wonderful justifications and have saved my arse each time.. Believe me.. Its an art which one needs to acquire.. Takes a lot of effort, lot of planning, great presence of mind and lot of guts (guts to face the heat if things go wrong).. The skill lies in being polite and showing that you are very patient.. Never leave the battleground may what come.. Be confident.. You should appear as if you are empathising with the situation you have caused.. And finally cover it with a thin slice of emotions.. Here you have with you.. The perfect recipe for a perfect ‘run away’ for anything and everything you do.. Well.. No one can stop you from going places once you have it in you.. Just imagine, what it would be like if you could justify yourself in front your parents for having failed in some exam or justify yourself to your boss why he should be appraising you this time or justify yourself to the girl or boy of your dreams why you are the best choice for him or her.. You will be a man of reason.. Man with a purpose for everything and anything you do.. Sounds great, doesn’t it?

Hold on people.. I didn’t write this to give you tips on how to save yourself from getting kicked.. And I am no fool to have given away my secret armour to you all.. Its certainly not as rosy as it looks to be.. My friends know the number of times I have ditched them on their movie plans or trips or get-togethers.. Everytime that I had tried to justify myself, each one of them complained that my justifications sounded like weak excuses.. I know I have very smart friends.. Needless to say.. I have been thrashed each time I have not shown up (even then, I am still the same.. Sorry guys.. Have got too used to your swear words.. :) )..

I am afraid.. The way things have gone by till date, I must have already been typecasted for my justifications by most of you.. Some might call them excuses.. Some might be even harsher by calling them cheap ‘cover-up’ or ‘made-up’ stories.. But for someone who does not even know how to say a ‘sorry’ (people often complaint asking if I am doing them a favour by saying sorry) or wish somebody a ‘Happy Birthday’ (no one has complained ever, but I myself think I need to be more energetic), how the hell could a justification be so very well drafted out?? Worth giving a thought, right?? Why not think of the ‘justification thing’ like a rational thought that had dawned upon you even before you enacted that wretched deed??

Well.. If this does not justify why I use the art of justification so often, then in that case..

"Sakshi, I am stupid "..